I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
even my farts smell like vagina
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
