Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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