she smelled like a LAN party
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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