you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I touched a dick in church today
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
