During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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