I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
