I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
