So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
