C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize