I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
