Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
