Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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