It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
