Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize