Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
try to milk me bitch
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