I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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