There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
