I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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