More tranny stories later!
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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