Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
