I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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