Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
