Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
