Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
