I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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