I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
