Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You need Xanax blowdarts
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
