I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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