It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
