Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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