I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
