so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
