Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
