the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
God, I missed his penis.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
