I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
