giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
