Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
