I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
