my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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