possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
