dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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