Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
