he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
