yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
