Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
