So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
it hurts more in the daytime
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I woke up under a house in Key West
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
