so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
