You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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