Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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