On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
