I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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