The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize