I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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