I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
