I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
