Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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