She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
