My boss' voice literally gives me gas
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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