WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I love you. Go after that dick
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
