I can tuck mytits in my pants
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
