Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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