its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
