there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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