You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
His nipple licking is glorious
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