worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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